She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
