Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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