Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
