Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
a search helicopter?!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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