Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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