I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if only i could text you this smell
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
