It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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