Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
