So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
