Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
