I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
