If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
