Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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