guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
