the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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