I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
