I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
