Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
