this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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