i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
