Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
