I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
