she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
