u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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