there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
