How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
