The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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