Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
