I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
