Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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