I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
