i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
