there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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