Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
