I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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