Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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