mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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