I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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