capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
