you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
