last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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