He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
