I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
