My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
