please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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