Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
