textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
