So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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