just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
