great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
