You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
