My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
