If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
