i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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