while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
