I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
