I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
