dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
