She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
