Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
