it wasn't lemon gatorade
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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