fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
