How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
