i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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