Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy

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  (586): Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy http://tfl.nu/kc5d
  Replies (3) Good night (1078) Bad night (508)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.

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  (706): hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you. http://tfl.nu/cbdu
  Replies (16) Good night (741) Bad night (3347)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.

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  (321): Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance. http://tfl.nu/ue6b
  Replies (56) Good night (1533) Bad night (2572)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Congratulations on your moose knuckle.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.

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  (585): Congratulations on your moose knuckle. (614): Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated. http://tfl.nu/9z1g
  Replies (7) Good night (2939) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.

  (1-914): View more from New York

  Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award

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  (914): We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream. (1-914): Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award http://tfl.nu/nl5u
  Replies (7) Good night (4483) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.

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  (401): We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night. http://tfl.nu/piwb
  Replies (12) Good night (8286) Bad night (1262)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......

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  (651): I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me...... http://tfl.nu/ywt3
  Replies (72) Good night (1038) Bad night (5005)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog

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  (202): just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog http://tfl.nu/w6qp
  Replies (4) Good night (3468) Bad night (1064)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.

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  (773): I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again. http://tfl.nu/53df
  Replies (6) Good night (1846) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just Tebowed the shit out of her.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.

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  (414): I just Tebowed the shit out of her. (336): Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb. http://tfl.nu/wxei
  Replies (10) Good night (2288) Bad night (818)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think

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  (613): She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think http://tfl.nu/7fbd
  Replies (21) Good night (972) Bad night (2061)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.

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  (614): I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together. http://tfl.nu/yozh
  Replies (6) Good night (1191) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.

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  (339): Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird. http://tfl.nu/knwb
  Replies (0) Good night (457) Bad night (269)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches

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  (978): Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches http://tfl.nu/kfbr
  Replies (0) Good night (390) Bad night (199)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?

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  (678): He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood? http://tfl.nu/i7yj
  Replies (2) Good night (382) Bad night (137)

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