Betty ford says i'm here all night
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Is it because I queefed?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
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I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"