the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!