I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.