I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
