It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
