dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
