Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
