on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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