Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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