i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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