My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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