Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You ruined the universe
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
