cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
